


Shake it Out

by KatrinaKenyon



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:16:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7755658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatrinaKenyon/pseuds/KatrinaKenyon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin Gilbert realizes two things, she's kind of definitely into girls and she's still not over the whole Ghost Girl thing. She learns to deal with both of these issues with a little help from the enigmatic and admittedly attractive Jillian Holtzmann.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I can never leave the past behind

When Erin Gilbert is feeling particularly inspired and new theories and equations begin to form in her mind, she retreats into a special space inside herself. She begins by positioning herself in front of the huge whiteboard in her half of the second floor lab at the firehouse, the lab she shares with Dr. Jillian Holtzmann.

She stands in front of the board and the world around her falls away. She draws in on herself and all she can see is the problem at hand. Her body becomes stock still, her pulse slows, her breathing becomes softer. She can’t hear Holtzmann banging away at something or other in her workspace, she can’t smell the slight smoky scent left over from Holtzmann’s latest lab accident, and she can’t feel the chill in the air due to the open window.

She doesn’t do this often, only for major breakthroughs. Abby is the only one who has seen her in this state, but that was before all the ghostbusting. This is the first time that it’s happened here at the firehouse. Abby says its creepy, like she’s left her body and no one is home. She calls it going into zombie mode. Erin doesn’t mind because the process gets her good results, but she does get a little embarrassed. She’s already a little weird. She’s never quite fit in and she’s not really sure how to.

She has social anxiety. She is uneasy around people and expects to be the butt of every joke. She was mercilessly bullied as a child and her parents thought she was crazy. She thinks they still do. They always handle her with kid gloves. Going into academics turned out to be a blessing in terms of her people skills. She learned to play the game, how to interact with people, how to successfully kiss ass, and how to speak with authority. 

The board in front of her is already filled from the night before. She knew she was getting close to solving her problem and tonight was the night that she would finish it. Numbers and figures and hypothetical tests rocketed through her brain. Later Holtzmann would do the actual testing. Her’s was a theory based approach. 

Time passes and numbers are still flying in her mind. She feels like she’s close to a solution, a breakthrough. She’s unaware of how much time has passed. Could be minutes, could be hours. Suddenly she hears something, a voice, but it sounds so far away. She ignores it. She’s so close! The voice keeps repeating a phrase, her name, and it becomes harder to ignore. There is a dull insistent tapping on her shoulder.

Almost there.

She feels hands shaking her.

The last of the numbers fall into place and she starts to come out of zombie mode. The first thing she sees is a pair of blue eyes. A distant part of her thinks that they’re gorgeous.

“Pretty,” tumbles softly and breathily from her lips before she can better control herself. 

The corners of Holtzmann’s lips quirk up in response and those pretty blue eyes shine with amusement. Erin blushes brightly. Like the engineer needs anymore encouragement. She is always flirting with Erin to get a reaction out of her. She nearly always does. She pulls away from Holtzmann and ignores her protests.

Shaking herself out of zombie mode, she grabs a marker and takes to the whiteboard before anything has a chance to escape her mind. It takes her 10 minutes before she is fully satisfied with her work. She sits on the ground in front her now full board and stares at it pensively, checking and double checking her work.

“Buddy, hey buddy,” Holtzmann sing-songs while moving to crouch in front of her. The engineer waves a hand in front of her face to get her attention. She rolls her eyes at Holtzmann’s antics and pushes the hand away.

“Are you alright? I thought you were in a coma.” Blue eyes widened to emphasize her point. “You didn’t move for like half an hour.”

“I’m fine,” she says standing up. “Really I am.” She gives Holtzmann a half-hearted smile, but the engineer seems unconvinced.

“I just get like that every once in a while, when I have a really great idea.” She shrugs. She’s always been bad at explaining zombie mode. She tries to ignore Holtzmann’s curious gaze, looking her up and down trying to figure her out. It makes her feel exposed.

Abby chooses to walk in at that moment and Erin sighs in relief. Perfect timing. Her friend looks at them and frowns.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Erin! She went into this freaky trance.” Holtzmann says while waving energetically in her direction.

Understanding crosses Abby’s face. “Ah, zombie mode. Nothing to worry about. She just zones out for a while when she’s on to something. Just really deep concentration. Anyways, lunch is downstairs when you’re ready.”

Holtzmann doesn’t speak again until Abby leaves. “So, you’re okay then?”

She nods weakly, eager for this conversation to be over. She’s weird. A ghost girl. She’s no exactly thrilled to have her strangeness all out in the open.

“Good,” Holtzmann says while heading back to her workstation. The blonde bops along to a beat only she can hear and winks at her before picking up a pair of pliers and returning to her work. Her cheeks tinge with pink again and she makes a decision to go downstairs and grab lunch. She’ll bring something back for Holtzmann later. Proper nutrition is important after all. 

 

It’s been about 6 months since the semi-apocalypse went down in NYC. They all live at the firehouse now. The top floor had previously been living quarters for the firefighters. They had to remodel it a little to suit their needs, but otherwise it was a great space. They each had their own rooms. There were two bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room area where they set up a couch and some comfy armchairs. The giant flat screen TV, courtesy of the mayor, is the focal point of that room. 

On nights where they don’t have a lot of work to do they all crowd around the TV watching Netflix and drinking beer. They’ve become a little family and it’s nice. The bottom 2 floors of the fire house are dedicated lab spaces. She originally shared the first floor with Abby and Patty and to an extent Kevin, but then gravitated up to the second floor which was technically Holtzmann’s space. There was more room up there and she often needed to consult with Holtzmann about the possibility of her theories and ways to test them.

Besides Holtzmann intrigued her. She had never met anyone like her. The woman was an honest to god genius. Working with her was always an interesting experience. The engineer was a whirlwind of energy and movements, probably because her thoughts and ideas came to her so quickly. It was like Holtzmann’s brain was on fast forward, while the rest of the world moved at a slower speed. 

Holtzmann didn’t seem to sleep and worked around the clock. She was always the first to rise and the last to go to bed. Her worktables were full of unknown machines, tools, and wires. The shelves lining the walls were stuffed with what seemed like piles of scrap metal and junk. There were blue prints, papers, and books randomly crammed into the open free spaces on the shelves and tables. To Erin it seemed like a mess, but the engineer seemed to know where everything was. 

Erin now shares the second floor lab space with Holtzmann. The back wall is taken up entirely by a white board. A long metal lab table stands in front of it laden with books, writing utensils, an endless roll of butcher’s paper to write her equations on, and a ridiculously expensive computer, also courtesy of the mayor. She takes up about a third of the second floor, leaving the majority of the space to the other woman. Barring a few explosions and fires from Holtzmann’s side of the lab, it was a pretty good set up. 

 

She and Abby are out on the roof one night partaking in a little wine and talking about anything and everything, like they did when they were younger. She feels like they’ve come full circle now. She met Abby junior year of high school when she was a total social outcast. She was crazy Erin, the town loony, Ghost Girl.

Abby showed her what it was like to have a real friend. They were inseparable and even went to same college for undergrad where they were roommates all four years. Her undergrad was too close to home still and when her parents found out she was writing a book on the paranormal with Abby, they threatened to pull her out of school. 

The acceptance letter from Princeton was a godsend. It arrived in the middle of her last semester. They offered her a spot in their Physics PhD program with full tuition remission and a stipend that she could live off of. She left for Princeton the day after graduation without so much as a word to Abby or her parents. It was a fresh start, a chance to be a normal girl. No more ghosts. Eventually she contacted her parents after a month into her first semester. They seemed pleased with her for the first time and her book and talks of more therapy were never mentioned again. She was finally free.

Abby makes her laugh again for what seems like the millionth time that night and breaks her out of her reverie. She looks at her friend who is smiling so wide it must hurt. It’s almost like she never abandoned her. Except for their initial confrontation at their reunion, Abby has never brought it up again. 

“God, I don’t deserve you Abby,” she says suddenly. “Not your friendship and certainly not your forgiveness.”

Abby’s smile drops. “Erin,-”

“No really. I abandoned you. I saw Princeton as my ticket to a normal life, a chance to start over and I took it. I left you behind after everything you did for me. You deserved better.”

“Listen Erin, was I furious when you left? Yes.” Abby sighs and looks out at the twinkling lights of the city. “But I kind of get it. Your parents…are a piece of work. They made you take those drugs that turned you into a zombie. They made you feel like you weren’t worthy of their love. I was so angry at them for you. That they could treat you like that. Their own daughter. You are extraordinary Erin, your theories were always ahead of their time, and they tried to destroy all that.”

She feels tears prick at the back of her eyes at Abby’s words. She feels so loved right now.

“They’ve apologized since the whole apocalypse thing,” she offers up weakly.

Abby scoffs. “Too little, too late.”

She’s afraid to speak, because she knows all that will come out is a sob. She hugs her friend tightly instead.

“Love you too, Erin.”

 

She’s bisexual, Erin realizes one afternoon. She’s hit a bit of a lull in her work and is idly staring off into space while the papers that she should be reading lay uselessly on the table in front of her. Her gaze strays over to Holtzmann, who is busy making some kind of weapon? She isn’t sure, but the engineer is using a blowtorch in the already warm lab. Holtzmann must be feeling the heat too because she puts the blowtorch down and wipes her forehead with the back of her gloved hand.

The engineer is the type of person who glistens instead of sweats, which is entirely unfair. Erin sweats when she’s nervous and it’s definitely not attractive.

Holtzmann is wearing her usual grey-blue coveralls today. That’s not the interesting part though, the interesting part is when Holtzmann, unzips her suit to reveal a forest green crop top, shrugs out of the sleeves, and then rolls the coveralls down to her hips. Her breath hitches a little as she stares at all the newly exposed skin. She prays that it wasn’t audible, but when her eyes finally trail back up, she finds Holtzmann grinning at her. Totally caught.

She quickly snaps her eyes back down to her papers and pretends to read them. Her cheeks are burning. She berates herself mentally, feeling foolish at her behavior. It’s completely unethical and inappropriate to ogle a colleague. Kevin doesn’t count because he doesn’t actually contribute to their scientific investigations. He’s just good eye candy. Besides Holtzmann was always trying to get a rise out of her. She didn’t think any of her flirting was actually sincere. It couldn’t be, right?

She peeks at the engineer one more time and comes to the only possible conclusion. She’s suspected, but never actually confirmed her findings before now. Erin Gilbert is definitely bisexual and it’s slightly possible that she might have a small, no minuscule, crush on her colleague. A tiny, little one that was probably nothing to worry about.

Unfortunately from that moment on, she becomes even more conscious of Holtzmann’s flirting and tries even harder not to react. She fails miserably. 

 

She’s talking to Patty over a cup of coffee a few days after the coveralls incident when it becomes obvious to their resident historian that Erin is an exceptional bisexual who happens to have a small crush on Holtzy.

Erin hears the clatter of boots before she actually sees the engineer enter the kitchen. Walking on Sunshine blasts from the over-sized headphones hanging around Holtzmann’s neck.

“Hey chickadees,” Holtzmann says shimming in their direction. The engineer nods at her. “Righteous bow tie.”

She looks down at the normal-sized plum colored bow tie she chose today to match her blazer. She tugs nervously at said bow tie. Her palms are sweaty. God, why was she so sweaty already?

“Y-you think so?” she manages to get out.

“Yep.” Holtzmann says popping the P at the end of the word.

The engineer twirls around and drums her fingers on the kitchen counter. Holtzmann is oddly graceful and it’s hard to look away, especially when she’s rolling her hips and shaking her shoulders like that. She’s is just so confident, so at ease with herself. Never worries about what people think of her. Erin wishes she could be like that. It’s definitely an attractive quality. 

She tries to look anywhere besides Holtzmann and her gyrating hips, but the engineer gets closer and closer until they’re practically touching. She’s staring at a spot to the left of Holtzmann’s shoulder before she feels hands touching her bow tie. Holtzmann grins at her when she finally makes eye contact.

She swallows and stares helplessly into blue eyes for a few seconds before she remembers to be cool. She’s about to swipe the hands away from her bow tie when something explodes upstairs causing them all to jump. Holtzmann gives them a sheepish look and moonwalks out of the room presumably to see what happened. 

“Later ladies.” She blows them both a kiss on her way out.

Once they’re alone again Patty stares at her. “Girl, what was that?”

“What was what?” She says innocently. 

Patty gives her a look. “You know what. You’re acting weird.” Patty squints at her. “If I didn’t know any better…”

“You don’t!” She blurts out. “I mean I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She sips her coffee and avoids eye contact. 

Patty sighs. “Well, if you ever need to talk…”

By the time she looks back up, Patty is gone. 

 

Everything is going great, until it isn’t. It’s after a successful bust when they walk out to find a religious group protesting them. This group has appeared at one or two of their previous busts waving signs that said that they were Satanists, in league with the devil, or something equally annoying. It was usually only a handful of people, the rest of the city loved them, so they usually paid no attention to them.

Today is different though. Today one of the group, a bean pole of man, has separated himself from the herd and came right up to Erin to hurl insults at her face. He seems oddly familiar, but she can’t place his face. Vitriol spews from his mouth, but it’s one insult in particular that really gets her. 

“They should put you back in therapy, you freak!”

The words hit her hard. She suddenly remembers who this man is, a washed-up jock from her high school days. She instantly feels like she’s a kid again being mocked and bullied day in and day out at school. None of the teachers ever stopped it. They just looked the other way. Her father acted like she brought it on herself.

She reacts to his words instinctively, anger burning hot in her. She winds up her arm and socks him right in the face. There’s a satisfying crunch when her fist connects with the man’s cheekbone. She barely feels the pain in her own hand.

Patty has to physically drag her back to the hearse. She sits in the back seat livid, still so furious. Her friends are quiet, surprised at their normally level-headed friend’s actions. They let her be angry. Everyone is aware of her Ghost Girl past, but only Abby knows the nitty gritty details. She’s the only one who knows how bad it got. Patty and Holtzmann have never asked her more about her past. She thinks it’s out of respect. Talking about her past always makes her feel uncomfortable and slightly out of control. 

They get back to the firehouse and Abby pulls her into the kitchen to ice and wrap her hand with care. She excuses herself and escapes to the second floor lab.

She’s still so angry. She wants to punch something again. She wants to break something. She is so furious with herself at being provoked and with that jerk. Ghosts are a thing now and god, she can’t believe she’s an adult and people are still bullying her. She grabs a hammer from Holtzmann’s side of the lab and snatches the stapler off of her own worktable. 

The poor thing doesn’t deserve her anger, but she just needs to work this out before it consumes her. The crunch of metal against plastic is so satisfying, so cathartic. She gives the stapler two more thwacks, before dropping the hammer to the ground.

Her heavy breathing permeates the air. She feels somehow lighter.

“Sooo, that was intense.” 

She jumps a foot in the air and squeaks out, “Holtz!” 

The woman is leaning against the door frame and casually watching her. Holtzmann had changed out her ghostbusting coveralls and was dressed in loose dark brown slacks, a slate grey vest over a white button-up, and a dark green tie. Her yellow goggles were ever present. 

“Did you see all that?” 

Holtzmann nods.

She sighs and hangs her head. She would have liked to at least seem like a semi-normal person to some of her colleagues. They don’t need to know how messed up she is. All the damage done to her as a child. 

She can feel Holtzmann watching her still.

“Wanna talk?”

She lets out a huff of laughter. “About me being a freak? Or about me punching that guy in the face?”

Holtzmann shrugs. “Either? Both? Whatever floats your boat?”

“I’m actually feeling better now. I guess I worked though my issues.” She looks down at the mess of plastic stapler parts on the floor.

Holtzmann saunters over to her and nudges the little pile of stapler on the floor. “I gotta say Gilbert, when you punched that dude in the face… hot. Total badass.”

Her face flames, but internally she is so pleased by this revelation. 

“Oh god, I can’t believe I did that. I don’t get into fights. That’s so childish.”

Holtzmann arches an eyebrow at her.

“Okay I fight ghosts, but that’s different. And there was that one time in high school, but that was different too. They were making fun of Abby. Nobody makes fun of my friends,” she says vehemently. She balls up her hands into fists for emphasis. 

Holtzmann chuckles and pushes her fisted hands down. “I would have loved to see that. Little scrappy Erin kicking ass and taking names. This is a whole new side of you. Color me intrigued.” 

She winks and then circles Erin slowly pretending to take the new Erin in. Once she’s had her fill, Holtzmann produces a small remote from somewhere on her person and turns on the music. Bad Reputation blares from the speakers hidden in the corners of the room.

“So dance party?” The engineer asks.

She smiles and shakes her head. “Sure. Why not?”

Holtzmann grins, runs to the door to yell downstairs. “PATTY, ABBY! DANCE PARTY UPSTAIRS.”

She winces at volume of Holtzmann’s voice, but can’t stop herself from smiling fondly at the engineer. Definitely bisexual, definitely a medium-sized crushed. As she watches Abby and Patty rush through the door to join them, she decides that those are problems she can deal with another day.


	2. Here to relive your darkest moments

It goes from bad to worse a few days after Erin punches the protester. They get a call about a haunted house in Queens and spend all morning and most of the afternoon trying to catch the ghost, but the class 3 apparition remains elusive. 

Eventually, they decide to divide and conquer. They go through each of the rooms on the lower floor separately. Erin takes the kitchen and quietly tiptoes through the room as if she can actually catch the ghost unawares. She hears a tapping on the ceiling and immediately abandons her search of the lower floor and runs to the stairs. The footsteps echoing her’s tell her that the other three are also in hot pursuit. 

On the second floor, they chase the ghost all the way to the last door at the end of the hall. Patty rushes forward to open the door for her, while Abby and Holtzmann cover her back. She enters the room cautiously, proton shotgun ready for action, but the room is completely empty. She sighs. This ghost is running them ragged. 

She turns her back on the large bay windows at the front of the room and examines her teammates. Clearly, they need a new game plan. Her colleagues look worn out and she thinks it might be time to just call it quits and come back tomorrow instead.

Before she can even open her mouth to speak, the ghost makes a reappearance and rushes her suddenly. There’s no chance for her to react. The ghost is stronger than they originally thought and it pushes her back and crashing through the windows.

The last thing she remembers before blacking out completely is Holtzmann and Patty reaching for her and Abby screaming her name. When she wakes up, she is lying in a hospital bed. She’s alone and confused. Her head hurts and every other part of her body aches as well. 

She immediately begins to panic and looks down at her wrists and ankles. She breathes a sigh of relief when she doesn’t see any restraints.

The last time she was in a hospital of any kind was when she was little and it was traumatizing. The ghost of that mean old lady stood by her bed every day for a year. Just stood there glaring down at her. One night, a few months after the haunting began, the ghost moved all of a sudden. She was so frightened she reared back and hit her head on the headboard of her bed. She had put a hand to her temple after and it had come back wet with blood.

The ghost wasn’t finished. It came after her again and she started screaming as loud as she could. The wound on her head turned out to be superficial. It just bleed a lot, but Erin had panicked so much at the hospital that they had to sedate her. She thrashed against the hands that held her down and when she woke up, she was in restraints and alone. It’s safe to say that she’s not really keen on hospitals. 

She sits up in the hospital bed and regrets the move immediately. The room is mostly dark with light from the street lamps outside filtering in. She moves slowly to the foot of the bed to grab her chart. Nothing too bad, just a low grade concussion and some contusions and cuts. A miracle considering the height she fell from. They’re just keeping her overnight for observation it seems.

Erin is having none of that. There’s no way in hell that she’s staying here. She pulls out her IV line and unplugs the beeping machine that monitors her heart rate. It goes quiet and she holds her breath. When no one comes, she lets out a sigh of relief.

Her feet touch the cold ground and she stands on wobbly legs. She goes to take a step and hisses in pain, but it doesn’t feel as bad as it probably should. She’s definitely drugged up. Maybe a little bit high. She isn’t sure, she just knows she needs to the get the hell out of here. There are no clothes or shoes in her room. No wallet either. She’ll figure something out once she’s free, she thinks. 

With monumental effort, she creeps in the dark towards the door. It swings open before she can actually touch it and her heart rate speeds up exponentially. Holtzmann appears in the doorway. She had changed out of her ghostbusting jumpsuit and into one of her wacky outfits with her yellow tinted goggles are perched precariously atop a mess of blonde curls. Her eyes widen in surprise when she sees Erin already at the door.

Erin glances behind her into the empty hallway and lets out a sigh of relief. She can still get out of here.

A slow smile appears on Holtzmann’s face. “Going somewhere?” 

She nods and then immediately regrets the motion. “Ughh, that was dumb.”

The engineer frowns in concern and then tries to corral her towards the bed. “Let’s get you back to bed there, Gilbert. You took a pretty wicked fall.”

“I’m leaving,” she half whispers. “I’m getting out.” She can almost feel the foam of the restraint cuffs against her wrist. Part of her knows that this is probably just the drugs talking, but the other part of her is scared and borderline ready for a panic attack. 

Holtzmann suppresses a smile at her fellow Ghostbuster’s antics. “Sweetie, honey, darling, we have got to get you back to bed.”

She ignores the engineer and tries to get past her.

“Hey!” Holtzmann chuckles, catching her in her arms before any actual escaping can happen. Her goggles fall from their perch and into their normal position on the engineer’s face. 

She struggles in the Holtzmann’s embrace and remembers the nurses holding her down and the sting of a needle. It’s just a memory, but it’s a potent one. It haunts her just as much as the ghost of that old lady did. 

“No, please! Don’t make me stay.” Her movements become frantic, her breathing becomes choppy. “I’m not crazy.”

She looks pleadingly at Holtzmann, eyes wide, lower lip trembling. She can feel tears leaking down her face and she can see an embarrassingly pathetic image of herself reflected back at her in the yellow lenses of Holtzmann’s goggles.

“Jillian, please?” Erin almost never calls Holtzmann by her given name. This is serious.

She sees concern and understanding filter through cerulean colored eyes. Erin stills and the arms around her draw her closer into a hug. She buries her face in the crook of Holtzmann’s neck. The woman smells like cinnamon and smoke and soap. It’s oddly comforting. 

“I’ll be good. I promise.” She says in a whisper.

These words sound hollow, an echo of her past. A past where she tried desperately to make her parents understand that she actually saw a ghost. There wasn’t anything wrong with her, except for some social anxiety and awkwardness. She wasn’t crazy and she didn’t need any pills. 

“There are no such things as ghosts,” her father told her, many times. Particularly if she was going to be around people that weren’t her family.

She repeats the phrase back to him in what she hopes is a convincing manner.

He nods. “And you’ll be good tonight?” He means don’t talk about any ghost non-sense. Don’t embarrass him. Her mother was never as harsh as her father. 

“I’ll be good. I promise.”

“Oh Erin,” she hears Holtzmann murmur into her hair. “You’re not crazy. I believe you. The whole world does.” 

The dam bursts and she finds that she is sobbing uncontrollably in Holtzmann’s arms. Her body shaking as she burrows further into the engineer’s embrace. 

Holtzmann takes her home. The hospital discharges her despite protests from the doctor. She has a panic attack in the passenger seat of the hearse, but other than that they make it back to the firehouse without any problems. 

Holtzmann tucks her into bed and stays until she falls asleep. Not a word passes between them and Erin is grateful for this. She’s too tired to even be embarrassed at her helplessness. She’s not sure, but she has a vague memory of lips pressing a kiss into her hair just before she truly drifts off, but it could have just been the painkillers.

She awakes the next morning to the sound of voices drifting in from the kitchen. There’s a prescription bottle of painkillers next to a glass of water on her bedside table. She takes the prescribed dose. She knows she should stay in bed, but she also knows that they’re all talking about her. She has to know what they’re saying about her. She leaves her bed, grabs a robe that’s seen better days, and tiptoes down the hall.

The rest of the team is in the kitchen, all in their pajamas except for Holtzmann who was likely up hours before tinkering in her lab.

“No, no, you did the right thing. Erin has always hated hospitals,” she hears Abby say.

“What happened?” Patty asks. 

She moves forward a little more to hear Holtzmann’s answer.

“She just wanted to come home and she seemed okay. The doctor said it was fine. I figured it was no biggie.”

She can’t see the look Patty is giving Holtzmann, but she can tell that their resident historian isn’t exactly satisfied with the answer. 

“Anywhos, I’ve got some work to do,” Holtzmann says jumping up out her seat. “I’ll check on sleeping beauty on my way up.”

Erin moves out of eyesight and tries to hobble her way back to her room. She knows with her injuries that there’s no way she can make it to her room before Holtzmann spots her, but she goes for it anyway. She’s nothing if not determined.

She hears humming a few steps behind her and turns around to see the engineer grinning amusedly at her. 

“You’re a regular Houdini,” Holtzmann says conversationally while sideling up beside her. The engineer offers her an arm like a gentleman. She obliges, happy for the support while walking. The painkillers must be kicking in because she is surprisingly less achy than she was upon waking and her brain feels a little fuzzy too.

“What?”

Holtzmann looks at her pointedly. “This is your second escape act.”

She chews on her lower lip and sees blue eyes follow the movement briefly or at least she thinks she’s does. 

“I don’t really like being cooped up, I guess.” She laughs nervously.

Once they get back to her room, she closes the door behind them and leans heavily against it. She wants to discuss what happened yesterday without anyone else overhearing them. The click of the door lock draws Holtzmann’s attention away from the plethora of paperback romance novels that line the bookshelf closest to her bed. 

“If you wanted to get me alone Gilbert, all you had to do was ask,” the engineer purrs. Holtzmann winks at her, then stares at something to her left. She follows her gaze and sees what has captured her teammate’s attention. She feels herself flush, red creeping up her from her chest to her neck, all the way up to tips at her ears.

She snatches a pair of hot pink panties hanging off a knob on her dresser and hides them behind her back. She quickly scans her room to make sure there isn’t anything else mortifying laying around. 

Holtzmann grins at her. “Interesting choice of undergarments.”

“Well, I…thought they were a fun color.” She says hesitantly.

“Did you now? Tell me more about your fun undergarment choices. Color me intrigued.”

She rolls her eyes at Holtzmann and tries to discreetly shove her underwear into her robe pocket. Holtzmann drops down to sit on her bed and still looks entirely too delighted to be in Erin’s inner sanctum. Erin, starting to feel the effects of her narcotics, seats herself on the bed too.

“I think I’m high,” she tells Holtzmann seriously.

She doesn’t actually think she’s that high, but she does kind of feel silly. Maybe she just hit her head too hard. All of this individual attention from her medium-sized crush is making her nervous. She’s not sure what else to say, so she just keeps going with it.

“I’ve never been high before,” she says almost thoughtfully. “Except once in undergrad, when I accidently ate a brownie at a party. It was intense, kind of indescribable actually. Like I was floating? Anyway, turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.” 

Holtzmann’s eyebrows fly upwards and mirth twinkles in her gorgeous eyes. Laughter soon follows, joyous and uncontrollable. 

She’s paraphrasing Leslie Knope’s character from Parks and Recreation, but she knows for a fact that Holtzmann hasn’t seen the show and Holtzmann’s laughter is like sunshine on dark and dismal day. It make her feel warms and tingly. Also, she kind of wants a brownie now.

When Holtzmann is done laughing, she takes Erin’s face in her hands, stares deeply into her eyes until she’s squirming nervously next to the engineer.

“Gilbert, you are a perfect special snowflake. Don’t ever change. I mean it.” And then Holtzmann kisses her on the tip of her nose before releasing her. Erin sputters and tries to make a coherent sentence, but instead ends up doing a perfect imitation of a fish out of water.

Eventually she gains the ability to speak again. “Thank you. For last night I mean and for not telling anyone about my freak-out at the hospital.”

The engineer’s expression sobers considerably at these words. She can feel Holtzmann looking at her, but her own eyes are trained on the ground.

“No problemo.” 

“I’m sorry that you had to deal with that all that. I’m not a big fan of hospitals. Bad memories, I guess. I didn’t mean to be such a burden. You’re a good friend for taking care of me.” She smiles tremulously at the Holtzmann and tries to hold it together. 

“You’re not a burden Erin. Everyone’s got baggage, even me.”

“Yeah?”

Now it’s Holtzmann’s turn to look away. “Other kids thought I was weird and didn’t want to hang out with me. Sometimes they teased me, but I just let it all roll off my back. That’s alright though, I did fine on my own. Was too busy inventing stuff anyways.”

Holtzmann lifts her head back up to look at her. It’s the most serious Erin’s ever seen her. 

“My mom was pretty great. She thought I was a genius and always supported me. She worked extra jobs to put me through fancy private schools when I was a kid. She died when I was 19, a car crash. Then I was on my own. You know, I was alone until I met you guys.”

Something in her heart aches for the other woman and she reaches down to take her hand. “Oh Jillian, you’ll never be alone again. Not as long as I-, I mean, we can help it.”

When she looks over at Holtzmann again, she’s staring down at their joined hands intently. Erin would give anything to know what was going on in that brilliant mind. She struggles to resist the urge to hold Holtzmann tightly and never let go.

She can feel something changing between them. There’s something there now that wasn’t there before. She just has no idea what it is. She does know that this isn’t just a crush anymore. 

“I should get some rest,” she says softly. She reluctantly pulls her hand away.

Holtzmann seems to snap out of it and hops up from the bed. “You do that. Get your beauty sleep. Although, you don’t really need it, hot stuff.”

When the engineer is gone she falls back on her pillows and instantly falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise next chapter will be more lighthearted. Thanks for reading!


	3. But I like to keep some things to myself

Erin is feeling kind of blah this morning and could use a pick me up, so she heads to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. She walks in on Patty and Holtzmann having what is clearly meant to be a private conversation, only Kevin is hanging around trying to get the toaster to work. When she sees him trying to stick a fork in the toaster, she rushes over to take the utensil out of his hand. 

“Oh honey, no. That’s dangerous. Don’t do that.”

He runs a hand through his hair and smiles somewhat apologetically at her. She’s pretty sure he doesn’t understand what he did wrong. After her warning, he abandons the toaster and walks over to the fridge to get something else. Usually, she would be all up on Kevin and awkwardly flirting with him by now. Especially since he was wearing a tank top today, revealing his perfect arms. Somehow he’s just lost his appeal. 

She hears Kevin groan and looks over to see that he’s spilled some orange juice on himself. She hands him a dishcloth without thinking and continues to putter around the kitchen in search of coffee.

Patty and Holtzmann exchange a look behind her back at this unusual behavior. Erin should be all over him by now, but absolutely nothing has happened. 

“You feelin’ alright, baby?” Patty asks with concern coloring her voice.

“Yeah, I just need some coffee. I was up all night.” It’s been several weeks since her fall and she’s doing much better. She could actually work on her research now without getting headaches. 

Holtzmann waggles her eyebrows at her. “Oh and what were you doing, dear Erin?”

She snorts. “I was just making some edits to the book, nothing too untoward.”

She and Abby have been writing a sequel to, "Ghosts from Our Past: Both Literally and Figuratively". They’ve been adding more data and updating their theories and findings. It’s becoming an actual body of scientific work rather than the ramblings of two enthusiastic undergrads. She’s so proud of their book. They even have a couple of publishers who are interested in it.

She grabs a mug and turns the coffee machine on. Nothing happens. She frowns and stabs at the machine again.

“The machine’s busted.” Patty glares in Holtzmann’s direction. “Someone decided that they needed to take it apart for spare parts.” 

“I told you I needed the heating coil. It was important! I was going to put it back.”

Patty wags a finger accusingly at the engineer. “Man, I told you not to touch anything in the kitchen!”

Erin smiles at the two. Their fighting is kind of endearing. “So I guess, I’ll do a Starbucks run?”

“Yes! Thank you! And take this one with you as punishment.”

Erin abandons her mug, then turns to grin at Holtzmann. “Is this supposed to be a punishment for her or me?”

Patty chuckles, “That’s savage Erin.”

Holtzmann sighs dramatically and clutches at her chest. “My little Holtzy heart is wounded.”

Ten minutes later they’re standing in line at the Starbucks down the street. Erin people watches from the back of the morning rush line. Her eyes fall on the female barista who is a flurry of motion trying to fill all the coffee orders. Now that she’s certain of her sexuality, she feels like she suddenly notices women more.

She stares intently at the barista. She has a cute face, she decides. 

She looks in Holtzmann’s direction and instantly regrets it. The engineer is looking at her curiously, lips quirked up at the corners. Holtzmann squints her eyes, looks at her, and then at the barista and seemingly makes the connection.

“What are you looking at, Gilbert?” 

Her cheeks go pink and she pretends to read the menu above the counter instead. She can’t believe she just got caught checking out the barista. 

“Nothing,” she mumbles.

Holtzmann smiles at her knowingly. “Okie dokie artichokie. 

“It’s nothing,” she protests. She feels so dumb because of all the people she can disclose her sexuality to, its Holtzmann. “The barista is…cute.”

Her face feels hot and her hands are sweaty. She feels a little scared when she really has no reason to be. Her eyes stay glued to the menu board. She can’t bear to look at Holtzmann.

“I, uh…I might have been checking her out.” 

The line moves and they take few steps forward. 

“Huh,” the engineer says thoughtfully next to her. 

“It’s kind of a new development. For me, I mean. Or maybe it’s been a thing all along, but I just never noticed?” She’s full on rambling now. 

The hand on her shoulder makes her jump and she looks up into blue eyes suffused with warmth.

“Breathe Erin.”

She takes a deep breath and holds it never breaking eye contact with the engineer.

Holtzmann gives her a small smile. “Don’t forget to exhale.”

She nods her head vigorously and then does. 

“This probably isn’t the time or place to come out is it?” She looks around at the bustling coffee shop around her. It doesn’t appear like anyone is listening to them, but it’s definitely not a private space.

Holtzmann slings an arm around her and pulls her in for a side hug. “Probably not, but I’m glad you did. I gotta say though, I’m a little surprised.”

“Yeah?”

“You come off as painfully heterosexual Erin and that’s putting it lightly.”

She laughs at this. 

They finally get to the counter to order their coffees. Holtzmann lets her do all the talking and takes great pleasure with her difficulty in speaking to the cute barista. She’s just as smooth with women as she is with men. Great.

They sip on their coffees at the pickup counter as they wait for Abby and Patty’s orders. Every table in the shop is full of students studying, and men and women getting their caffeine fix before work. The shop is warm, full of chatter, and smells pleasantly like coffee and cinnamon. 

“Do I get like a card now?” She says conversationally. 

Holtzmann shoots her a quizzical look. “Say whaaat?”

She elaborates. “Well I heard someone saying that they were a card carrying lesbian once. Is that like a thing for bisexuals too?”

Holtzmann chokes on her coffee, spraying it all over herself. “Oh my god Gilbert, you precious little unicorn. That’s just a joke. It’s not a real thing.”

“Oh.” She grabs a wad of napkins and fusses over Holtzmann shirt. 

Holtzmann tries to wave her away. “Don’t worry about it.”

She ignores Holtzmann and instead spots a drop of coffee on the corner of the engineer’s mouth. Determined, she swipes her thumb over soft pink lips to get at the errant drop of liquid. Holtzmann is stock-still during the entire process and staring at her with a peculiar expression on her face. She licks the drop off her thumb, while looking at the engineer with concern. 

Abby and Patty’s orders come before she has a chance to ask Holtzmann if she was all right. The rest of the day passes pleasantly and she feels like a weight has been lifted off of her chest after coming out to just one person.

 

Later that night her good mood continues. She sings a little bit in the shower, some Sinatra song that she can’t remember the name of. She’s been in the shower for far too long, but she thinks she deserves the indulgence. She and Abby did a lot of work on their book today and they’re almost ready to submit their book for publication.

She eventually turns the water off, wraps a fluffy turquoise towel around herself, and pulls back the shower curtain. She screams when she finds Holtzmann sitting on the bathroom sink counter eating Pringles out of a can. 

She puts a hand against her wildly beating heart. “You can’t just sneak up on a person like that!”

Holtzmann just grins at her and shoves a Pringle in her mouth. 

She tugs her towel up a little more. “I could have been naked!”

“Don’t tease me Gilbert. Anyway, I made you something.”

“Oh?” That’s kind of sweet.

The engineer reaches into her pocket and then hands her a small piece of white plastic the size of a credit card. When she looks at it more closely she sees a goofy picture of herself in the right hand corner of the card with a rainbow border on the bottom.

The first 2 lines on the card read:

Erin Gilbert  
Outstanding Bisexual

She smiles so wide it hurts and throws her arms around the engineer.

“I love it!” 

She’s squeezes Holtzmann a little too hard and then realizes that she’s dripping water all over the other woman. She pulls back and adjusts her towel again. There are droplets of water all over the engineer’s clothes.

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I’m getting you wet.” She regrets the sentence instantly, even before the engineer opens her mouth to speak. 

Holtzmann leans back on the counter and smirks at her. “You say that like it’s a problem.” She throws in a wink for good measure.

“Holtz!”

“Too much?”

She rolls her eyes. “Would you get out of here, so I can put some clothes on?”

Holtzmann puts her hands up in surrender and backs out of the bathroom slowly.

Erin senses another inappropriate comment about to emerge from the engineer’s mouth and quickly presses a finger to Holtzmann’s lips to shush her.

She tries to look menacing, but fails miserably. “Not another word.”

Holtzmann licks her finger in response and grins impishly. 

“Eww, Holtz!”

 

It’s one of those rare nights where everyone is free. They order pizza and decide to marathon Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Everyone is present except for Holtzmann, who strolls into the kitchen just as the pizza arrives.

Holtzmann looks different tonight. Her face and hair are all made up. She’s wearing grey wide-legged dress slacks, a crisp white button up, and black suspenders. She’s looks good, really good. 

“Hot date tonight?” Abby asks as she grabs a couple of beers from the fridge.

Holtzmann twirls around and shoots finger guns at Abby. “You bet.”

Patty comes up to high-five the engineer. “Holtzy’s gettin’ hers tonight. Nice!”

Erin tries to smile at Holtzmann, but there’s no real feeling to it. She just can’t find it in herself to be happy for her. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she might be a little jealous. She grabs an open bottle of beer from Abby and tries to distract herself. 

The engineer pretends to polish her nails on her shirt. “What can I say? The ladies love the Holtzmann.”

Her hand tightens around the beer bottle at these words. Okay, so maybe she’s a lot jealous. She doesn’t know why. She has no right to be. They’re colleagues. It would be inappropriate. Besides Holtzmann couldn’t possibly have any interest in her. Mousy, boring, Erin. Holtzmann was a babe and quite the womanizer. Way out of her league. She was like a beginner level bisexual playing on easy mode. 

She turns around and busies herself with getting out plates and napkins, while the other three chat about Holtzmann’s date. She doesn’t want to hear any of it. Finally, after what seems like a life time, Holtzmann leaves for her date. Good for her.

Erin decides to sit in an armchair instead of sharing the couch with Patty and Abby. She’s being unreasonably grumpy and she doesn’t care. Holtzmann should be here with them, her family. She stays silent for two episodes, before Patty pauses the TV and turns to her. 

“What is up with you Gilbert? You’ve been sulking all night.”

“I have not.” She totally has.

“You have been weirdly quiet tonight,” Abby admits. “You alright?”

“I don’t know.” She doesn’t want to say that she has feeling for their colleague, so she settles for something else she’s been meaning to do. “Actually, I have something to tell you guys.”

Patty and Abby share a look.

“I, uh-.” She feels nervous again, which is dumb because she’s among friends. She takes a deep breath to calm herself. “I’m bisexual.”

Abby and Patty both just smile at her, which is kind of weird.

“Yeah, we kind of know,” Abby tells her.

She sits up in her armchair. “What?! How?”

“Erin, I’ve known since high school. You used to get the worst crushes on all our female professors. You just didn’t know it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? That could have saved me so much trouble.”

Abby shrugs. “I thought you would figure it out yourself eventually.”

She snorts. “Well, thanks for the help.”

“Don’t be a butthead,” Abby tells her.

She looks expectantly at Patty. 

“You kind of have that massive crush on Holtzy, that’s how I figured it out.” Blunt and to the point, that’s Patty.

She goes red to the tips of her ears. “What?! I don’t have a crush on Holtzmann. That’s ridiculous.”

Abby’s eyes widen in realization. “Oh my god, she totally does!”

“I do not!” She protests vehemently.

“Then explain today when Holtzy was talking all about her date. You didn’t seem to be down with all that,” Patty says pointedly. 

She has to think quick here. “I was just jealous that I didn’t have a date.” Patty eyes her suspiciously. “Yeah,” she laughs. “I haven’t even been on a date with a woman yet. I just have no idea how to go about doing that.”

She’s not sure that they buy it entirely, but Abby hops up from the couch and runs upstairs, only to come back a minute later with her laptop.

Abby grins mischievously at her. “It’s your lucky day lady. We’re going to make you an account on OK Cupid.”

She really wants to say no to this, but Patty and Abby look so excited and no one has said a word about Holtzmann in the last couple of minutes, so she relents. 

“Alright, let’s do this.” She says reluctantly.

The TV is turned off for the rest of night and the three of them manage to create a pretty decent profile for her. She thinks the pictures they used might be a bit much, but Patty assures her she looks smokin’ in them. Eventually, they call it a night.

She doesn’t hear Holtzmann come back that night, not that she really cares. It’s not really any of her business anyways. 

 

She wakes up early the next morning, forgetting about the OK Cupid fiasco that was last night. She’s expecting a call from Elsevier Publishing House sometime today and she knows that their hours of operation begin at 7am sharp. This is a well-respected scientific publishing company and her and Abby’s top choice. Although, they’d be happy if anyone decided to pick up their book.

She’s so excited by just the possibility of being chosen by this publishing company that she practically springs out of bed. She pads over to her dresser and picks out a pair of lacy pale blue panties and the matching bra that goes with it. Usually, she just mix and matches, not really caring, but today kind of feels like a special occasion. She moves to her closet and shrugs on a white button up. She doesn’t even get one button done before she hears a phone ring somewhere in the firehouse.

She looks over at her bedside table expecting to see her phone and panics when it’s not there. What did she do with her phone?! Important things were happening today. Then she remembers, she left it out in the living room. She runs down the hall, her shirt open and flapping behind her as she does. No one else is up in the firehouse, so she has no qualms about running about half naked.

As she grabs her phone off the coffee table, the door opens behind her. She doesn’t hear it.

She does hear a cool feminine voice say, “Hi, this is Eliza Smith from Elsevier Publishing House. We’re calling to set up a meeting with Dr. Erin Gilbert and Dr. Abby Yates regarding their book on the paranormal sciences. May I ask who I’m speaking with?”

She’s bouncing on the balls of her feet. She can’t believe this is happening. “Yes, this is Dr. Gilbert.”

A door shuts behind her making her jump in surprise. She whirls around and comes face to face with a disheveled looking Holtzmann. The engineer’s hair is falling out of its complicated hair-do and her shirt was rumpled and untucked.

The woman on the phone continues to talk about meeting times and when would be most convenient. She’s too excited to care that Holtzmann came slinking back into the firehouse after what was probably a one night stand. At this point she’s just ecstatic. 

“Dr. Gilbert the publishing house is interested in your book and is willing to negotiate a deal for a second book in the future. As you can probably guess, people are very excited to hear more from the founders and leading scientists of this subject.”

She grins at Holtzmann and jumps up and down a little. Holtzmann looks at her with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape, as if she can’t believe what she’s seeing.

“That would be amazing,” She responds in what she hopes is a cool professional voice.

She listens as the publishing company woman talks more and tells her that she’ll email them details about the meeting. She hangs up feeling elated and supremely satisfied. Founder and leading scientist of the paranormal sciences. Now that was something she could get behind. She’s so lost in her own thoughts that she barely remembers that she’s not alone. 

“Erin.” Holtzmann says after some time has passed. Her voice sounds oddly strangled.

“Oh my God. We’re getting published!” She does a weird little happy dance.

“Erin,” Holtzmann says again with urgency coloring her voice. 

When she looks up, Holtzmann is looking at her through heavy-lidded eyes and her bottom lip is caught between her teeth. It's an enticing image, Erin decides. The engineer gestures down to her body. 

She looks down at herself to see her pale blue underthings and squeaks.

“Oh god!” A full body blush that Holtzmann can definitely see in its entirety spreads quickly across her body. She sprints back to her room and digs around in her closet for a skirt and gets dressed in record time. 

She’s mortified, but also slightly pleased to get that reaction out of Holtzmann. Maybe her feelings weren’t so one sided after all or at the very least Holtzmann thinks she’s attractive. 

There’s a knock on her door after she’s fully dressed. She opens it and isn’t surprised to see Holtzmann standing in front of her. She ushers her into the room and gives her what she hopes is an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry, about that. I didn’t think anyone was up.”

Holtzmann heads straight to her bed and flops down on it. The engineer leans against her headboard and stretches her legs out. 

“Well, no complaints from me Gilbert. It’s a good look for you. Might want to try that more often.” 

She laughs. “You’ll have to buy me dinner first next time.”

“Done.”

She rolls her eyes, not taking the engineer seriously. She spends the next couple of minutes relaying everything from the phone call to Holtzmann. She’s vibrating with excitement as she does. 

“Congrats, you both deserve it.”

She feels like she's calmed down enough to actually sit down now. “Thanks. You know, you should write a few chapters for the next book.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We could probably co-author a couple of them too. I have a few ideas already. So, I take it last night went well?”

Holtzmann smirks at her. “You could say that.”

“I don’t want any details!” She blurts out. 

“Okay, but you’re missing out. She did this one thing with ice cubes-.”

She throws a pillow at the engineer’s face to stop her from saying anything else. 

“So what crazy shenanigans did you kids get up to last night?”

Holtzmann throws the pillow back at her and she catches it in time. “Ha!” She puts the pillow aside and answers, “I came out to Patty and Abby last night and they helped me make an OK Cupid account to meet women.”

The engineer’s eyebrows shoot up. “Okay, so I missed a lot. Sounds like they took it well then?”

“Yeah, they were great.” She doesn’t mention that they both already knew and suspected that she had feelings for Holtzmann. 

“And you’re okay?” The engineer reaches out towards her and wiggles her fingers at her. She gets the hint and takes Holtzmann’s hand.

She smiles softly at Holtzmann who’s looking back at her with a soft smile of her own. “Yeah, I’m good.”

When Holtzmann tugs on her hand, it takes her by surprise. She tumbles forward and lands face first into Holtzmann’s chest. She’s half lying on top of the woman and it’s not an unpleasant experience. The engineer crushes her in a huge bear hug.

“My little baby bisexual is all grown up!” Holtzmann chirps cheerfully.

“Holtz,” she admonishes, but she can’t help the laughter that spills out of her. She probably stays in the engineer’s embrace a little too long, but she doesn’t care. She’s just going to soak up this amazing morning. 

Eventually though, she does get up to tell Abby the good news. The noise they make wakes up Patty too and they all decided to go out for breakfast to celebrate.


	4. And I am done with my graceless heart

They’re all crowded around Erin’s laptop on her side of the second floor lab. Well, everyone except Holtzmann. Her laptop is open to her OK Cupid profile page and she has somehow managed to amass an impressive number of likes and messages. It takes her completely by surprise. She’s never been the kind to attract many admirers and frankly, she’s a little overwhelmed. 

“Wow, this is a lot.”

Abby bumps shoulders with her. “Well, you’re a catch.”

“You’re a Ghostbuster. Ghostbusters are hot,” Kevin adds helpfully.

She deflates a little at that. People might just want to date her because she’s a somewhat famous person now. After the apocalypse, they became known all over the world as well as in the scientific community. Holtzmann had a legion of fangirls, who were actually kind of annoying and kept calling the firehouse with non-ghost related inquiries. There was also ghostbusters merchandise everywhere and tons of websites and blogs dedicated to their work. It was pretty cool, if not a little daunting. 

Patty and Abby are buzzing around her as they go through profile after profile of potential suitors. Kevin stands in the back mildly amused and slightly confused. He’s just happy that the rest of them are happy.

“Yo, that one is hot! Do her!” Patty exclaims from her right side.

She laughs. “I think I’m supposed to message her back first.”

“Oh, she’s cute,” Abby says from her left.

“Holtzy! Get over here! We need your expert opinion on some ladies,” Patty yells across the lab. 

Holtzmann has been oddly distant since they decided to set up shop in Erin’s workspace for this little OK Cupid fest. She kinda thought this would something the engineer would enjoy. 

“Working on something! Call back at a later time,” Holtzmann yells back. She had been intently working on what looked like a pair of tricked out goggles for most of the afternoon. 

Patty and Abby share a look at the engineer’s response and she wishes she knew what they were thinking about. Did they know why Holtzmann was being so aloof? After about an hour of perusing through what seemed like hundreds of profiles, she finally has a list of 5 potential women that she would like to message, which she would do on her own. 

Once they’re gone, she collapses on the table and buries her head in her arms. There’s no way that any of these women will actually want to date her once they meet her in person. 

Holtzmann’s side of the lab has gone suspiciously quite at this point, but she never heard the engineer leave.

“I don’t think I can do this.” She says, her voice slightly muffled. 

“Date a woman?” She hears the engineer say.

She pops her head up to see Holtzmann seated in the chair next to her.

“No, date! All these women are so well put together and interesting and gorgeous and I’m . . . just me.” She scrunches her nose to show her displeasure and then hides her face back in her arms.

“Hey, look at me Gilbert.”

She stubbornly refuses to and screws her eyes shut.

A few seconds pass and then, “Your hair is on fire!”

She sits up immediately and pats her hair, because with Holtzmann you never know. She glares at the woman when she finds that her hair is perfectly fine. 

“Erin, you’re a freakin’ Ghostbuster. You kick ghost ass for a living. What’s not interesting about that? You are smart, and funny, and attractive. People should feel blessed that you would even grace them with your presence.”

“Attractive is a bit of a stretch,” she mumbles to herself.

Holtzmann smirks at her. “You’ve obviously never seen yourself handle a proton pack.”

“I feel like there’s an innuendo in there somewhere.”

The engineer lets out a snort of amusement.

Holtzmann props her arm up on the table and rests her chin in her hand and just gives her the biggest grin. It’s a little scary. 

“Honey, sweetie, darling, light of my life. Now, I’m going to tell you something that everyone else in the world is aware of except apparently you.”

She sighs a long suffering sigh. “What?”

“Erin, you’re a total babe.” Holtzmann says in earnest. 

Her face goes red and she sputters out a response. “W-what?! I’m not a-. What are you talking about? Don’t be ridiculous.”

Holtzmann laughs at her. “As a connoisseur of beautiful women, hotties, and total babes, I think I know what I’m saying. Plus, I’ve seen you in your undies. Very nice.” The engineer taps a finger to her temple. “That’s locked in the Holtz vault forever.”

She smacks Holtzmann on the arm, but is smiling despite herself.

“And you’ve got this whole buttoned-up, naughty professor thing going on that a lot of people find very appealing.” Holtzmann winks at her and she feels her smile grow into a grin.

They laugh. She puts a hand on the engineer’s arm to redirect her attention.

“Thank you. Really. You might have a highly inflated opinion of me, but I definitely feel better now.”

“Erin,” Holtzmann says softly. The seriousness of her tone catches Erin off-guard.

“Yeah?” 

Holtzmann is so close to her now. She tries to stop herself from looking at the engineer’s lips and fails.

“I-. I have a new invention to show you!” The sentence comes out a little awkwardly and Erin gets the sense that this wasn’t what the engineer actually wanted to say, but she watches the engineer skip over to her work table anyway. 

Holtzmann picks up the tricked out pair of goggles she had been working on and slips them over her head. She pushes the button on the side of the goggles and a tiny red light glows, probably signaling that it had been turned on. 

“So these babies can detect weak spots between the planes. Might help us spot where potential ghosts are located. They’re also equipped with night vision and x-ray vision.” She grins manically and looks directly at Erin. “I can see your underwear!”

Erin shoots finger guns at the blonde. “Well, joke’s on you, I’m not wearing any.” She is, but she thought it would be funny to say. She’s pretty sure the x-ray vision is just a joke.

Holtzmann makes an odd choking sound and is for once in her life speechless. She feels positively giddy at this. She has never had the upper hand before. 

“They’re not actually equipped with x-ray vision,” the engineer says in a strained voice.

“I didn’t think so.” She winks at Holtzmann, feeling brazen and tries to saunter out of the room. She trips a little and it kind of ruins the effect, but close enough.

 

She gets a call one Saturday afternoon as she idly watches Holtzmann spin round and round on her wheely chair. They usually try to take some downtime on the weekends, but since they live at the firehouse they can work on their projects whenever it strikes their fancy. 

She gave up on getting any work done today a long time ago and is just playing around on Pinterest. When her phone rings, she doesn’t think much of it. She causally glances at her phone to see who it is and freezes. The name Robert Gilbert flash across the screen and she is instantly filled with dread. She stares at her phone for a few seconds, contemplating whether she should even pick it up. They’ve already had their regularly scheduled monthly call last week. Maybe this was a mistake? Butt dial? The phone continues to ring and her deliberation has piqued the interest of Holtzmann, who has stopped spinning and is now just watching her. Not that she notices. She takes a deep breath and answers the phone.

“Hello?”

“Erin?”

“Uh yes, it’s me.”

“I’m in the city for the weekend on business. I thought I might stop by in, say an hour, and say hello.”

She feels panic flair up in her. She’s definitely not ready for a visit. She had imagined that if and when her dad had ever decided to visit the Ghostbuster’s headquarters that she would just wow the socks off him and prove how wrong he was about her. Then, in this fantasy, he would give her the whole-hearted apology that was owed instead of the weak, half apology she was given after the semi-apocalypse. 

“Sounds great,” she says though gritted teeth. “I’ll text you my address.”

Her father hangs up without saying goodbye and she stays frozen. The hand holding her phone slowly lowers. How was this even happening?

“You okay there, Erin?”

Holtzmann’s words fall on deaf ears as Erin suddenly springs into action. She runs to the doorway yells down the stairs.

“ABBY!”

She hears the clomping of boots on stairs and then her friend is in front of her, panting and out of breath. Abby is familiar with her father, having spent many afternoons after school and sleepovers at the Gilbert’s household. Her father isn’t exactly a fan of Abby either. More importantly, Abby knows how her father has treated her in the past and how she can never seem to stand up to him. She needed Abby’s strength now to get her through this visit.

“Erin, you’re so pale,” Abby says. “What’s happening? Is everyone okay?”

“It’s my dad.”

At this Holtzmann pads over and reaches out to squeeze her shoulder comfortingly. She pats the engineer’s hand in acknowledgement. 

“He’s coming to visit us here,” she continues.

Abby’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. 

“In an hour!”

“What?! Oh my god, Erin!”

At this point Patty and Kevin join the fray as well. 

“Why are you guys yelling?” Patty asks. 

“Erin’s father is coming to visit in an hour,” Abby informs them. 

“Oh yay!” Kevin exclaims happily. 

"No, not yay Kev. He’s not a nice guy,” Abby snaps at him.

“Abby,” Erin admonishes. Sweet Kevin doesn’t deserve Abby’s ire. 

Abby gives her a look and then turns to the rest of the group. “Okay, so here’s what’s going to happen. Erin, you’re going to shower and change and get ready for your dad. The rest of us are going to make this firehouse sparkling clean. Abby pushes her in the direction of the door, while barking out orders to the rest of the group. She smiles thankfully at her friend before leaving. 

By the end of an hour she’s changed into a pale blue dress, heels, and the string of pearls her father gave her for her sweet sixteen. Her hair has been tamed and her makeup is light and natural. The firehouse is as clean as its going to get. It’s presentable at least. She is so anxious and so full of dread. She can’t wait to get this visit over with. She heads down to the first floor to see the Abby inspecting their little group as they wait for her father to arrive. 

“Holtz, you couldn’t have changed into something nicer?” Abby berates. 

Erin thought her clothes looked fine. Sure they were a bit loud, but they were at least clean and free of tears or holes. The engineer wore plum colored slacks and an olive green blazer that was a size too big over a white blouse with black polka dots. She was also sporting a black skinny tie, which Erin notices is crooked. 

She moves to fix the tie and says, “Abby stop fussing. She’s fine how she is.”

Holtzmann gives her a beatific smile at these words, while Patty and Abby exchange a look. She wishes that they would stop doing that. The doorbell rings and she freezes up again, stuck holding Holtzmann’s tie. She feels hands rubbing the sides of her arms and looks up into blue eyes and uses them to anchor herself to the moment. She is seconds away from slipping away into memories of her troubled childhood. 

“Breath Gilbert. We’re all here for you.” Holtzmann tells her. She looks around at their little group. They all give her warm looks and encouraging smiles.

She takes a deep breath and goes to answer the door. Her father is dressed impeccably in a navy custom tailored suit with a maroon tie. He looks older than she remembers, but they don’t really see much of each other these days.

She greets him with a polite, “Sir,” and shakes his hand instead of hugging him because her father was never one for displays of affection. 

The visit is a disaster. The highlights include:

1.) Her father touring the lab disinterestedly. He is hypercritical of everything and borderline rude to Holtz. He’s also not exactly thrilled to see Abby again either. She remembered him saying once that Abby wasn’t the right kind of people she wanted to surround herself with, meaning she didn’t come from money. Abby was a scholarship kid at the fancy private school she attended as a child. Her father preferred that she spend her time with the other children of the elite, the same ones who called her ghost girl and made her life a living hell. 

2.) Her father somehow manages to step in a tiny puddle of ectoplasm. She can tell that he’s furious about the goo on his expensive shoes, but he manages to hold his tongue. She’s grateful for that at least. 

3.) Another fine moment is when he talks to her in private and basically tells her to give up this ghost hunting nonsense.

“Erin, Columbia wants you back.” 

This isn’t news to her. They offered her her job back several times after the Ghostbusters saved NYC. Columbia is her father’s alma mater and he has connections there still. Figures he’d be using them to spy on her.

“You’ve had your fun and now its time to go back to a respectable research institution and stop playing games.”

She tries to tell him about all the progress she’s made with her research here and about the book deals, but he just talks over her. 

“For god’s sakes Erin, you need to grow up. How do you think this makes me look?”

“What?” She’s taken aback. This was not the direction she expected this conversation to go. 

“I’m up for promotion at the company, a big one, but my superiors are concerned about my public image. My daughter has been rampaging all over New York catching ghosts dressed like a garbage man.”

So this visit wasn’t just out of the blue. He had an agenda. Of course. She thought for a second that he was actually interested in her work. That he was here to apologize for forcibly submitting her to years of treatment she hadn’t needed. To be honest, she kind of thought her father would be proud of the work she was doing here. Boy, was she wrong. He continues speaking with his voice increasing in volume. She just stands there and takes it, too in shock to even respond. How was this even happening? He father must have been loud enough because the next thing she sees is her little ghostbusting family surrounding her. Abby steps in front of her, her protector, her savior still even after all these years.

Abby glares at him. “With all due respect Mr. Gilbert, you need to leave. Seriously! How dare you treat Erin like this! She’s a hero and a genius. She saved New York City and is a leading researcher of the paranormal sciences. You should be begging her for forgiveness for not believing in her all these year.”

Her father goes silent. His expression is stony as he stares at Abby. She’s pretty sure her father still sees her friend as the nerdy scholarship kid and not the highly respected doctor that she is today. He looks past Abby and at her. She refuses to meet his eyes. She’s just so disappointed. She’s devastated. 

He lets out a huff of anger and then walks out without saying another word. 

Abby immediately wraps her up in a hug once he leaves. She barely feels it. She’s numb or in shock or something. Holtzmann comes up behind her and joins in the hugging and is soon followed by Patty and Kevin. The group hug is a sweet gesture and it makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside. She wonders how this eclectic group of people can make her feel more loved in this moment than her father could in a lifetime. 

“I know he’s your dad Erin, but that dude is cold.” Patty says above them. The historian is just so tall.

“He is mean.” Kevin says with disbelief coloring his voice.

They leave one by one to give her some space, until it’s just her and Abby. Her friend is staring at her with concern clear on her face. She still hasn’t said a word.

“Hey,” Abby says softly. “It’s going to be okay now. He won’t hurt you again. I won’t let him.”  
Abby says this with such conviction that she can’t help, but hug her friend tightly again. She’s always felt safe with Abby

She pulls back from the hug eventually. “You’re the best friend a girl could ever have Abs. I can’t thank you enough for looking out for me. I just thought this time would be different. Just after everything that’s happened, you know?”

Her friend’s watery eyes tell her that her sentiments were properly conveyed. 

“I know. I’m sorry your dad’s a Grade A asshole.” 

She laughs and discreetly wipes away a tear. “I think I just need to be alone right now.”

Abby nods and then leaves as well. She’s the last woman standing. 

She goes to her room and cries her heart out for longer than she would like to admit. When she finally gets up and looks at herself in the mirror, all she sees is a pathetic mess of a woman. She scrubs her face clean and changes into jeans, a t-shirt, and the MIT sweater she stole from Holtzmann months ago. She grabs a blanket and a bottle of whiskey that she’s pretty sure belongs to Abby and heads to the roof unnoticed. She remembers to leave the door to the roof cracked open, so she doesn’t lock herself out.

The sky is dark already. Its late fall and the sun has been setting earlier and earlier every day. It’s also a bit too chilly to be outside without a coat, but she hardly notices. The blanket and the whiskey will keep her warm enough she thinks. 

She sits with her back against the wall and tilts her head up to look at the stars. She takes a swig from the bottle of whiskey and grimaces at the taste. She’s not much of a drinker. She gets drunk too easily and that could lead to potentially embarrassing moments. She tries to avoid the hard stuff and occasionally drinks a glass of wine or a beer. 

She takes another swig. It burns all the way down to her stomach, which is empty because she hasn’t eaten since midmorning when she took an early lunch. She looks up at the sky again, trying to see if any of the constellations are actually visible.

She’s pretty sure that whatever deity is up there is looking down and laughing at her. 

“Is this some kind of joke to you?” she says to the sky. “My dreams finally come true, people believe in me now and then this? This was like the one thing I really wanted. I just wanted my dad to be proud of me. Why couldn’t I have that? Why am I never enough for him?!”

She gets no answer, no sign that anyone is listening to her. She gives up and takes another swig from the bottle before capping it. The door to the roof creeps open. She squints and in the dim lights coming from the surrounding buildings sees Holtzmann.

“There’s dinner downstairs if you’re hungry.”

She holds up the whiskey. “I’m fine.”

Holtzmann steps closer to her and she can see the woman is frowning at her. She lifts a corner of the blanket up, inviting her into her little sanctuary. The engineer settles in beside her, so that their shoulders are touching. She passes the whiskey to Holtzmann who takes a good healthy swig from it. 

Minutes pass in comfortable silence. She leans closer into Holtzmann’s comforting warmth. The engineer surprises her by warping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in her arms to cuddle. This time she stays in Holtzmann’s embrace. Holtzmann is such a tactile person, she figures the engineer won’t mind. 

“I’ve been bullied all my life,” she says into Holtzmann’s blouse. “And he’s been my biggest bully all along. I couldn’t even stand up to him today. I just stood there like an idiot. Like a weak, useless, idiot.”

“Okay, stop that. You know that’s totes not true. Remember when you punched that guy in the face like a badass? Yeah, me too. That was awesome.”

She ignores her and continues. “God, why do I even need his approval? You, Abby, Patty and even Kevin love and accept me, faults and all, and it means the world to me. This little family that we made is better than anything I’ve ever had. If I have this, then why do I still need his approval at all?”

“Because he’s your dad and that’s normal. Of course you want him to be proud of you and he should be. He’s a total dick by the way.”

She lets out a snort of laughter. “Jillian.”

“You know, you’re the only one who calls me that.” The engineer muses.

She’s glad for the change in topic. “Well it’s your name. It suits you.”

Holtzmann chuckles. “If you say so.”

She sits up a little straighter to look at Holtzmann. Against the backdrop of the night sky, she finds that the engineer outshines every single star out there. 

“It’s a pretty name and…” She stares at Holtzmann a beat too long and the engineer looks at her questioningly. “You’re pretty…and I say this as an unbiased observer.”

Holtzmann looks at her strangely. “I think the whiskey is getting to you. You sure you don’t want any dinner?”

She shrugs and pulls the blanket up around them a little more. “Can we just stay like this a little longer,” and then very quietly, “Like maybe forever?”

“Whatever you want, babe.”

She feels Holtzmann squeeze her tight for a second and then a moment later drop a kiss onto her head. She wants to answer, 'you, I want you,' but sleep is calling to her.

 

It takes about a week, but eventually everything goes back to normal and they all stop treating her like she could break at any moment. It was sweet for like the first day and then quickly became super annoying. 

There’s a warm cup of coffee on the window sill next to her. She leans with both elbows on the sill, so that she can watch Holtzmann run some preliminary tests on what appears to be some kind of net gun. It’s not going too well and Erin thinks she knows why. Formulas are already running through her head as she thinks of ways to help Holtzmann improve her contraption. The engineer bends over to pick up something and her mental calculations are momentarily stalled. 

“Enjoying, the view?”

She squeaks in surprise and nearly knocks her coffee over.

“Oh Christ, Patty! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

Patty chuckles. “Girl, I said your name like three times.”

“Right, sorry. I was-.”

Patty smirks. “Distracted by that fine piece of ass down there?”

“What?! No! I was just observing the testing?” Her voice gets higher with every word and it’s so blatantly obvious that she’s lying. “Fine, yes, I was enjoying the view. Can you blame me? It’s a pretty good view.”

Patty leans on the sill next to her and joins in on watching Holtzmann. “You’ve got it bad, Gilbert.”

“So bad.” She groans. “You don’t even know.”

“You should tell her.”

She stares at Patty trying to figure out if the historian is being serious. “No way. That’s not a good idea. She doesn’t feel the same way.”

“What? Come on, she is always flirting with you.”

“She flirts with everyone.”

Patty gives her a look. “It’s different with you.”

“Is it though? What if you’re wrong? I don’t know if my heart could handle it.”

Patty throws a comforting arm around her shoulder and she leans in. She’s so lucky to have friends that care this much.

“I love her, Patty.” The historian looks a little surprised at her admission. She’s a little surprised herself, surprised that she’s brave enough to say it out loud. “But she’s also a really good friend and colleague. I could ruin everything.”

“Or it could be a really good thing, but you won’t know unless you try.”

Erin says nothing at this and when it becomes clear that she’s done talking about the subject Patty sighs and pats her on the back before she leaves. She continues to watch Holtzmann a little longer before she decides that she’s being a creep. She leaves and heads down to her lab space to work on a couple of calculations for the ghost net gun. 

She settles on the couch with the latest volume of her favorite particle physics journal once she’s worked out as much as she can. The couch was an acquisition made by Holtzmann. The thing is shabby and ugly as sin, but very comfortable. She’s pretty sure it came from a dumpster, but she likes to think that Holtzmann at least disinfected it before bringing it in. 

Holtzmann comes back in when she’s made it through her second article. The engineer stomps her way across the lab to her worktable and drops the net gun onto the table loudly. The woman is clearly frustrated. She watches as Holtzmann grabs a wrench and starts pulling the gun apart. She’s not sure Holtzmann even knows she’s up here with her. 

She watches Holtzmann work, completely focused with her brow furrowed and her lower lip caught between her teeth. Erin can’t help but find her so incredibly sexy like this. She’s always been attracted to intelligence and watching a genius like Holtzmann work was a total turn on.  
When it becomes clear that Holtzmann is becoming increasingly frustrated with her lack of progress on the gun, she pads her way over to the engineer quietly. She peers down at the blueprints scattered haphazardly on the table. It’s exactly as she expected. She can see the flaw in her design.

She hears a sigh and the clatter of a wrench falling on the metal worktable. When she looks up again Holtzmann is by her side. The engineer looks tired as she slips her yellow goggles off her face to rub at her eyes.

“Whatcha up to, Gilbert?”

She says nothing. She needs a pen so she can make her adjustments. She doesn’t see any on the table and the pencil she usually keeps in her pocket is missing. She looks over at the engineer who is wearing her navy blue coveralls. Lots of pockets. There must be one in there somewhere. She reaches out for the top pocket of Holtzmann’s coveralls, but is thwarted when the engineer grabs her wrist. 

Holtzmann grins at her. “You minx!”

Okay, it did kind of seem like she was going for a boob grab. Nevertheless, she rolls her eyes and reaches into the pocket with her other hand and triumphantly plucks out a fine tipped sharpie. 

“You just can’t keep your hands off of me, can you?” The engineer waggles her eyebrows comically at her. 

She ignores the quip and rips off the sharpie cap with her teeth. She writes her formulas in the margins of the blueprint pages and then recaps the sharpie when she’s satisfied with her work. That should do it.

Holtzmann comes up behind and peers over her shoulder to look at her calculations. She’s very aware that engineer’s front is pressed up against her back. Her heart rate speeds up and she hopes that Holtzmann can’t feel it. 

Holtzmann rests her chin on her shoulder and her hands on her hips. She feels like she’s burning up inside, but in a good way. She wishes that Holtzmann would just wrap her arms around her waist and press kisses to the back of her neck instead. That would be heaven.

“Babe, you’re a genius!” Holtzmann exclaims excitedly and suddenly her fantasy is coming true. The engineer wraps her arms around her and hugs her tightly. Okay, so it’s only half of a fantasy, but she’ll take what she can get at this point. 

Holtzmann’s excitement is infectious. She laughs and lets the engineer pull her around the lab in a strange kind of waltz. 

“Okay, okay!” She laughs. “Get to work! You don’t want to be up all night.”

She returns to the couch and picks up her abandoned journal. She spends the rest of her night alternating between watching Holtzmann work and reading articles. At some point she stops for dinner and brings up a plate for the engineer. Eventually, she has to actually sit Holtzmann down to eat dinner. The engineer grumbles about it, but then wolfs down the offered food within minutes. 

When it’s a little past midnight, she decides to call it a night. She yawns and puts her journal down.

“Holtz, don’t forget to get some sleep tonight. I’m heading to bed.”

The engineer’s gives her a little wave goodbye, too engrossed in the net gun to even look up. Erin wakes up the next morning before her alarm. She feels exhausted. It’s only 5am, but she just can’t get back to sleep. She throws a robe over her nightshirt, an oversized t-shirt that she stole from Holtzmann, and heads to the kitchen to make tea. The firehouse is quiet and it’s still dark outside as she tiptoes past Patty’s room and then Holtzmann’s. 

She pauses and turns back around, curious. She opens the door to Holtzmann’s room as slowly and quietly as she can. The curtains are open and light from the streetlamps filters in revealing an undisturbed bed. She’s actually kind of surprised that the engineer even bothers to make her bed at all. 

She heads directly to the second floor lab. She’s pretty sure that Holtzmann is still up working on the net gun, which means that the engineer did not get any sleep last night. Usually she lets Holtzmann do her own thing, but she finds herself becoming increasingly more involved in the woman’s wellbeing.

Just as she suspects, the engineer is still in the lab working. She looks dead on her feet and her movements are sluggish and uncontrolled. She’s concerned that Holtzmann is going to hurt herself with this amount of sleep deprivation. 

“Holtz,” she calls out.

Holtzmann looks up and gives her a small tired smile.

“Holtz, go to bed.”

Holtzmann waves her away. “I will later. I gotta finish this one thing.”

She walks over to the worktable and snatches the screwdriver out of her hands. “That wasn’t a request. You need to go to bed. You’re going to hurt yourself.” 

This gets the engineer’s attention. Holtzmann reaches out to get her tool back, but she pulls it back out of reach. 

“Erin,” she says in a low husky voice, a tribute to how tired she was. “Darling, you need to give that back.”

She shakes her head no. “Not until you go to sleep.”

Holtzmann stares at her. She stares right back, not backing down.

“You’re not going to give this up are you?” 

“You’ve made the correct assumption. I’d rather you didn’t hurt yourself in another lab accident because you were too sleep deprived to realize what you were doing. I’m kind of fond of you, you know? I would like to keep you around for many, many years.”

Holtzmann arches an eyebrow at her. “You’re fond of me, huh?”

“Yeah. Now come to bed,” she says while holding her hand out. Holtzmann slips a hand into hers.

“Mmm, I’ve imagined these words in a slightly different context.”

She rolls her eyes at this. 

Holtzmann stumbles a little as they walk and her eyes are half closed by the time by the time they make it back to the engineer’s room. She goes to turn down the sheets, while Holtzmann takes the opportunity to strip down to her boxers and a tank. 

She stares for longer than is considered polite and then undoes the sash holding her robe together. She lets her robe pool to the ground and climbs under the covers. She’s sleepy again and the thought of going back to her own room leaves her exhausted. 

“Are we having a slumber party?” Holtzmann whispers as she climbs under the covers too.

“Mmm.” She’s too sleepy to make real words

This doesn’t seem to deter the engineer though. “Are we going too braid each other’s hair, have pillow fights, practice kissing for the boys?”

“Holtz, if you don’t stop talking right now, I will end you.”

“Geesh, grumpy.” There’s a pause and then, “Night Erin, or I guess good morning.”

“Night Holtz.”

When she wakes up again, she finds herself pressed flush against Holtzmann’s back, spooning her from behind with an arm thrown across the other woman’s waist. Their hands are intertwined and her nose is buried in soft blonde hair. 

She doesn’t know how this happened. They were on separate sides of the bed before they went to sleep. She untangles herself from the engineer as quickly and quietly as she can and just sits on the edge of the bed watching, not wanting to leave, but knowing she should. She pulls the covers up around Holtzmann’s shoulders and after a long lingering look finally leaves. 

She forgets her robe in the engineer’s room, leaving her long legs exposed in just an oversized t-shirt. She backs out of the room and closes the door as slowly and quietly as she can. There’s a smile on her face when she turns around to head back to her room, but she stops short when she sees Abby, still in her sleepwear, gaping at her.

“Y-you, you…oh my god.” Abby stutters out. 

Her friend’s face turns red as she glances between Holtzmann’s door, her, and her semi-clothed state. She’s confused by Abby’s reaction at first, but then it clicks. 

“It’s not what you think,” she whispers.

“You’re wearing her shirt,” Abby hisses back. “I thought Patty was just kidding about you having a crush on Holtz.” Her friend glares at her suddenly and she’s taken aback. “And you didn’t tell me about this! Erin, I’m supposed to be your best friend!”

Afraid that Abby’s whisper yelling would wake up the rest of the firehouse, she grabs her friend’s hand and drags her to the kitchen where they can sort this all out.


End file.
